When I think of literature, I picture power and my mother. You can’t argue that learning the language that is most widely used in a nation is the best investment. After all, most people communicate in that language, and I would not be where I am today if I hadn’t learned English. However, I did not always have this connection with language. English was a mind game, a constant struggle that would build up a barrier from the outside. I was more concerned with how others would perceive me than with my actual speech and, was always fascinated by those who listened to the teacher and could formulate a clear and perfectly worded response within seconds of the teacher asking a question. I never excelled in English and didn’t push myself to be the best like my classmates. In seventh grade, I was still considered the new “Student” so I was never expected to respond in English. I was allowed to give my response in Spanish, and a classmate would translate what I said. I spoke very little, and the writing I knew was all thanks to my Oliver who encouraged me to write small stories inspired by the novels we both read. In school and out of school, I was surrounded by Spanish speakers, and we always spoke Spanish at home despite the fact that both of my siblings were learning English. We’ve always spoken in our native tongue, which has never forced me to step outside of my comfort zone. My mother would ask me for help whenever she would receive a call or message in English from the hospital. She never looked for my siblings but for me, maybe because I’m the middle child and her only son? Or maybe simply because she has higher expectations of me.
She has always talked of me with pride and for me to meet those expectations has always been a goal. I wanted to help my mother however, I felt unready to take on the responsibility of speaking and listening outside my native language. Many times, I pretended to be asleep in order to avoid answering a phone call. It was my way of protecting myself from embarrassment. Which I regret doing because I was betraying my mother’s words.
Entering Eighth grade will always be very memorable for me. The atmosphere of the class felt different because, unlike previous classes, I was only hearing English. I was seated at the front table alongside Evelyn, Mohammed, and Jeury, whose faces I remember to this day because they were part of the group I hung out with on a daily basis.
The teacher, Ms. Diaz, had us introduce ourselves and a goal: My name is Yorgelis Castillo, and I want to be better at English. That was my goal for the entire year. After the teacher allowed the class to choose their own book, I selected The Alchemist. A book whose blurb persuaded me to read it despite its at the time difficult vocabulary. From there to reading the book individually to the teacher and give a brief explanation. There were many times I was frustrated for not understanding the reading or pronouncing a word. Ms. Diaz would help me, by doing this twice a week my understanding of the English language improved as well as my vocal. I was reciting sentences without pausing. The consistent use of English, as well as the goal of becoming a better English speaker, greatly helped my progress. I used to be terrified of participating in class but it no longer was because I noticed they were holding me back. I was willing to accept feedback in discussions and read challenging books with a large vocabulary that required me to search for words. It motivated me to do well and helped me get ready for the speaking portion of the NYSELAT exam, which evaluates your literacy level. I recall that my friend was waiting for me outside the testing room, and that the examiner was my sixth-grade teacher. She wished me luck and began reading the text. I understood the entirety of the reading, and formulated answers very quickly, except for a question related to the word “recycle” which I forgot and took me a while to remember. Regardless of that, I was where I wanted to be, like the classmates I looked up to since the start of my journey. It helped me boost my confidence and made me realize the power held. The impact these experiences had on me was immense. I grew up speaking Spanish and now I am a fluent English speaker, but this was not meant for my own benefit but for my family. I am certain that I can now help my mom with her phone calls and messages, which will make her proud and means everything to me. I don’t sound like a native speaker but it is my own voice and how I express myself. Still, I’m looking for new challenges and learning new words every day, and I will not stop myself from asking questions.
